Being busy is... cool?

Guess what I'm doing again.

You got it... 日本語.

Actually, I'm supposed to be studying regularly, but I've loaded up my time again with so much work that I can barely make myself lie down to sleep.

(funny... you seem to have time enough to blog today)

Don't judge me. ;)

But, yes, I am getting back on the JLPT track again (see previous entries for details of that stress). I failed level four by only one or two questions at the most, which I consider to be an incredible accomplishment. But since then, I haven't done anywhere near enough studying to be ready for level 3, which I'm taking at the start of December.

Not only that, but work is overwhelming right now, and it won't let up until after the JLPT is done.

This brings me back to the problem of my priorities. Why do I let a hobby become so painfully important? Is it really a hobby, or actually some kind of desperate avoidance behavior?

Maybe hobby is the wrong word. It's more of a life goal to be multi-lingual. I want to experience other cultures by reading their books and speaking to their people. Going through your entire life in only one language seems flat and boring to me. So it's a goal.

But people don't like to hear that. People need something more practical or mainstream than simply, "It will make me happy with myself."

It's like being a vegetarian. A diet is a hobby.

I'm vegetarian because I feel better about myself when I don't eat animals. That's all there is to it. Not because I'm a health nut, not because I love vegetables, not because I'm allergic to meat. I'm a vegetarian because I couldn't handle biology class in 9th grade when my teacher dumped a dead pig on my desk and said, "Cut."

I don't want to kill the animals.

I don't want to miss books in other languages.

These are feel-good answers, and, though they're true, I've found that people hate feel-good answers. That's not to say everyone is inherently negative. However, I think people are uncomforatble with anyone who ventures outside the neighborhood and takes a look around at what else is available. It's like I say, "I'm interested in doing some things a little differently because that's what feels right to me," but they hear, "Screw your lifestyle. I'm going to reject it with every bone in my body."

I rarely mention the fact that I'm a vegetarian unless I'm being offered a cheeseburger (and sometimes even then I just say I'm not hungry). I also don't like to tell many people that a good deal of my stress comes from the personal whippings I give myself when I slack off in my Japanese studies.

You're a vegetarian? Really?
Yes.
Why?
I don't want to kill animals.
*laughter* That's not a good reason.

You study Japanese?
Yes, but I'm really behind, and it's bothering me.
When is your class over?
I'm not taking a class. It's just something I do on my own.
Why?
I'd like to speak another language.
*laughter* That's not a good reason.

Maybe they're right. These are just silly idiosyncracies in my personality that are just there to be joked at. Like your uncle's fascination with bottle caps, or your sister's Barbie collection. They aren't important at all, so why should I take them seriously?

But to me these things are more than hobbies. My diet is more than a diet -- it's a lifestyle I've lived for nearly 15 years. My language study is more than a way to pass the time -- it's a goal I've set that I need to meet.

So, now that I've legitimized it... ;) I ought to get to work.

Here's a promise -- I like stating my goals because it makes them specific and real -- I'll study at least once a week for the next month. Hopefully I can push myself to do more, but let's be realistic. It's just a hobby, after all. ;)