Billy the Bard

This just in: Shakespeare is cool.

Believe it. No matter what your high school English teacher made you think, no matter how perplexed the words make you feel, you must believe in the Bard's ability to tell awesome, timeless stories, riddled with romance, murder, and dirty jokes. He's unstoppable.

I can't read Shakespeare's books. They're long and boring. This is actually a great argument for several reasons. First, Shakespeare's plays are often assigned to be read at home for homework, giving students the confusing task of having to reading a script as though it were a novel. Second, they are long. There's no getting around that. Five acts is quite a lot of information to digest, especially when the language is elevated.

And yet, I disagree with this argument fundamentally. The main problem is that many students of the Bard mistake his plays for novels. This creates an overwhelming sense of boredom when the reading begins. Who in his right mind would rather read the screenplay for Fight Club than see the film? A two-hour movie is much more interesting than a 90+-page script. And, in all probability, faster. It's the same with Shakespeare. He wrote his work for the stage. Those of us who love Billy may enjoy sifting through his words on paper when we don't have the option of a live show, but people new to Shakespeare will find it all very baffling.

This stuff is written in another language. I have to read a translated version, and even then it's confusing. Yet another excellent point. What does "I'll look to like if looking liking move" mean? The real issue is that nobody talks this way. There's a formality in the speech that comes across as too elevated for the common mind, and this is an instant turn-off.

But consider this: People from all walks of life comprised Shakespeare's audience. From the Queen of England, surely interested in educated communication, to poverty-stricken dregs known as "Groundlings." These Groundlings were so mindless that they yelled, fought, stepped on each other, and drooled during shows. It didn't matter to them whether the words made sense 100 percent of the time. Just watching the actions of the actors made the story clear. And the stories thrilled them. For the audience members with any vocabulary to write home about, the plays offered that much more. Poetry is a special form of writing that focuses on sound before meaning, which is why many of Shakespeare's lines use extensive figurative language. It's a question of what sounds best to the ear, and what gives the audience the most appropriate feeling for the scene. The plot isn't difficult to figure out. The words, however, are meant to be thought-provoking and fun.

Nobody can relate to something that was written in the 1500s and 1600s. It is very difficult to understand the political implications of something written in Shakespeare's time. Not to mention -- it can be boring as all hell. Even if the issues of politics are ignored, how can a person in today's world possibly bring himself to care about the problems Romeo goes through, or the conflicts Cordelia faces?

If you ask me, a story ought to be able to stand on its own. For first-time Shakespeare lovers (by this I mean people who do not love Shakespeare, but hopefully will see the light very soon), I do not know the advantage of worrying about England's role in the world, or London's role in England centuries ago. This information will add color to the plays, but that should be saved for further dissection and a greater interest. Surely we can trust that Shakespeare wrote quality enough plays to do without endless footnotes for historical reference. But who says he can't relate to Romeo or Cordelia? No matter what time period a story uses, whether it be the distant past, last week, or ten-thousand years in the future, all conflicts can be boiled down to things we understand. Trouble in love. Family misunderstandings. Who can't relate to these on at least a basic level? I'm jealous of you.

Many people get so boggled by the thought of Shakespeare that they miss out on the fun. I'm talking creative insults, dirty jokes, puns, and a whole mess of cool things littering his plays. The joy of the Internet brings us countless sites devoted to these. Here's a cool one. Enjoy the games. :) To order some hilarious videos, go here.

For many people, it's a difficult conclusion to come to. But if you sit back, relax, and believe in the Bard, chance are you'll find something different than what you expected. Chances are you'll find the truth: Shakespeare is cool.